How do you know if someone really loves you?
Bet I caught your attention huh? Truth is, even I don’t really know how to answer that question. Take me for instance. I only commit to long term relationships. I don’t believe in flings or one night stands. And yet, I always find myself asking the same question. Does he really love me?
Women who are in committed relationships are of a different breed. We all fit a pattern. Loyal, trusting and hopeful; which can sometimes be translated to afraid of abandonment, stupid and naïve as well. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing my own species, I’m just pointing out the fact that when a woman is committed to one man, and builds her hopes and dreams around that man, it’s pretty much a 50-50 situation. Either you reach your objective (marriage) or he screws you over. Can anyone really tell where their relationship is going? Are there tell-tale signs that tell you for certain that he is eventually going to marry you or is he just another ex in the process? Put aside the obvious signs that he’s not the one and you’ll find yourselves as clueless as the rest of the women riding on the carousel of self-delusion.
If you reached the point in your relationship where he’s already talking about caterers and discussing future kid’s names, you can actually start breathing again and stop panicking. But what if the relationship is just boyfriend-girlfriend status for as long as you can remember, do you still stay? Or do you prepare yourselves for the inevitable?
Anyone who said that love was as easy as falling into it and getting married afterwards had to be seriously high. You can learn to build jet fighters or an earthquake proof home, but no one can teach you how to fall in love and stay in love long enough for you to actually feel happy. Not in this lifetime anyway.
I used to believe in soul mates. I was a hopeless romantic. I’ve since adapted a very different view on love. No matter how much you sacrifice or put effort in a relationship, nothing is guaranteed. Not even when you stayed by his side during the hard times and revelled in his joy during his triumphs, the sad fact is that if he wants to leave, he will. And nothing you say or do, can prevent it. I’m not giving a pessimistic view on love, I’m just telling it as it is. Women who invest in long term relationships have more to lose. And though we tell ourselves, the next guy that comes along will just be a casual thing; we get sucked into the ‘this-could-be-the-guy’ fantasy slash vortex. We can’t help it; it’s in our genetic make-up. Others may find it endearing, I find it to be a cruel joke.
I sometimes feel jealous that other women can just have casual, non-committed relationships and not worry about where the relationship is going when I can’t be with a guy who won’t commit. They seem to be having so much fun. Everything is in the moment kinda thing; it’s all flirting and games. But I can’t help but feel that maybe those women were once, the long term commitment types that had given up on their quest to find The One. I certainly have hopes, I want to be married, have kids; you know the whole package, but there’s always that nagging feeling that, that may not be my calling.
It’s sad to even think about stuff like that, I know. But it’s always a little easier when you can prepare yourself for the blow to your belief system than getting a surprise attack 10 years down the road, right? So guys, if you really feel there’s no future for the one you’re with, do us a favour and tell us so we can move on alright? Stringing us along for the ride is just plain cruel. The faster you realise that she may not be wife material, the sooner she’ll start to pick herself up and get on with her life.
So if you feel like the passion is dying between you two (or whatever other reasons men give when they want out), just stop the carousel ride, treat her to a cotton candy and tell her it’s over. You'd be doing her a favour. Trust me.
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